It has bee awhile since I have posted anything. I have had a chance to catch up with my life a little. My mother is doing really well and making improvements every day. I am so glad that we got her back. That we got this second chance with her. I am looking forward to my future with her in it. It really is a beautiful feeling.
While we are talking about the future, let's move on to all the good things that are on the horizon for my family. We will be moving in two weeks! We were offered a great opportunity so we jumped at it. It is about 30 minutes further from where we live and we will have to move the kids schools and everything but I feel this will be great for us. We will begin our new chapter on August 31!!!
Another milestone that will be happening on the 31st is that I will finally have my surgery on my shoulder! I have been waiting for the date for awhile and finally there was a cancellation. I feel bad that the Hubby will be doing all of the work but I need to have this done.
So in the wake of all this new info, I need your help. Can you all please leave me ideas for pre-made, freezer ready, simple things to cook. I will be out of commission for awhile. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading :)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Almost normal :)
Last time I posted, I was in a bad place. I was scared and upset. It was so hard to see her that way.
Things have changed. The day they were going to do the tracheotomy, the respiratory therapist thought that maybe he could try to let her breathe without the tubes. It worked! She still has an oxygen mask but is able to breathe on her own.
Yesterday they moved her to regular after surgery room, she is no longer in ICU. I am just so happy to have her back mostly. She is actually able to sit and talk with us. It really is an amazing feeling to have been so close to the end and now things have totally turned around. She is doing physical therapy and is still really weak. She doesn't really remember anything from the last two weeks in ICU.
They are hoping to get her strong enough to leave the hospital within a week or so. I can not explain how excited I am for her to be back. I don't ever want to be in that place again. I know no one ever wants to be in that position with a parent but I really hope that these were the scary parts and that stage is over. I hope that when it is her time to go, that she goes peacefully in her sleep and that she is very old.I hope that is not to much to ask for.
All the friends and family that have been here, either in person or spirit, thank you. Thank you all for all your words of wisdom that helped me get through this extremely rough time.Thank you for all of your prayers, honestly I am not sure how things would have turned out without the abundance of people praying for her. I do believe that this has been a small miracle in our family. Thank you to everyone who was able to make it to the hospital while she was on the brink, it always seemed to lighten her mood.
There is not enough thank yous to pass around. There are so many people to be thankful for and so many reasons. You all ROCK!!! And GOD is good!!!
I will keep updating and then eventually this blog won't be only about the time my mom almost died. It will go back to being about family adventures which now, thankfully, will have my mom included.
Thanks for reading :)
Things have changed. The day they were going to do the tracheotomy, the respiratory therapist thought that maybe he could try to let her breathe without the tubes. It worked! She still has an oxygen mask but is able to breathe on her own.
Yesterday they moved her to regular after surgery room, she is no longer in ICU. I am just so happy to have her back mostly. She is actually able to sit and talk with us. It really is an amazing feeling to have been so close to the end and now things have totally turned around. She is doing physical therapy and is still really weak. She doesn't really remember anything from the last two weeks in ICU.
They are hoping to get her strong enough to leave the hospital within a week or so. I can not explain how excited I am for her to be back. I don't ever want to be in that place again. I know no one ever wants to be in that position with a parent but I really hope that these were the scary parts and that stage is over. I hope that when it is her time to go, that she goes peacefully in her sleep and that she is very old.I hope that is not to much to ask for.
All the friends and family that have been here, either in person or spirit, thank you. Thank you all for all your words of wisdom that helped me get through this extremely rough time.Thank you for all of your prayers, honestly I am not sure how things would have turned out without the abundance of people praying for her. I do believe that this has been a small miracle in our family. Thank you to everyone who was able to make it to the hospital while she was on the brink, it always seemed to lighten her mood.
There is not enough thank yous to pass around. There are so many people to be thankful for and so many reasons. You all ROCK!!! And GOD is good!!!
I will keep updating and then eventually this blog won't be only about the time my mom almost died. It will go back to being about family adventures which now, thankfully, will have my mom included.
Thanks for reading :)
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Sigh....
It has been a week since I posted.
Last Tuesday I was prepared to give up. I was then turned around with a whole new hope. Surgery was going to be done. She was going to get better because that tumor would be out.
Wednesday I went to see her, as I do everyday. Swarmed with Dr.s, signing papers, discussing precautions and risks. The surgery had been scheduled for the next day. I could not be more excited. Things were finally moving along. Things were going to get better.
Thursday morning about 9:30 am they took my mother into surgery. It only lasted around two hours. There was good news. Her tumor was benign. They were able to remove the whole tumor. All 18lbs of it. Her swelling was going down. Everything looked so good, so hopeful.
Each day that has passed there have been hopeful signs. Bits of improvement. Each day I have walked into her room and been surprised by the way she looks and acts. Everything was getting better.
Now today the clouds have settled in. The pneumonia won't go away. She has developed an antibiotic resistant bacterial infection. Her lungs are not getting stronger.
Today I signed papers to allow the doctors to do a tracheotomy and to place a feeding tube in her abdomen. These are things she never wanted. She seems better in so many ways. I don't understand how we can't move forward. Why can't things stay good for awhile? I just want to be able to sit and talk to her without crying. I hate watching her miserable. She is such a stubborn lady. She doesn't want to be in a bed with tubes coming out of her. I hate this.
When is it enough? When will this hurt be over? Where is the line between help and torture?
I am having a hard night. Are things getting better and I am not realizing? I feel very alone tonight. Prayers are needed. Good thoughts are needed. Let's hope for this tunnel to end soon. Let's hope there is a light at the end of it. Thank all of you for all the prayers you have been sending. I am not sure we would have made it this far.
I will try to update when there is news.
Thanks for reading.
Last Tuesday I was prepared to give up. I was then turned around with a whole new hope. Surgery was going to be done. She was going to get better because that tumor would be out.
Wednesday I went to see her, as I do everyday. Swarmed with Dr.s, signing papers, discussing precautions and risks. The surgery had been scheduled for the next day. I could not be more excited. Things were finally moving along. Things were going to get better.
Thursday morning about 9:30 am they took my mother into surgery. It only lasted around two hours. There was good news. Her tumor was benign. They were able to remove the whole tumor. All 18lbs of it. Her swelling was going down. Everything looked so good, so hopeful.
Each day that has passed there have been hopeful signs. Bits of improvement. Each day I have walked into her room and been surprised by the way she looks and acts. Everything was getting better.
Now today the clouds have settled in. The pneumonia won't go away. She has developed an antibiotic resistant bacterial infection. Her lungs are not getting stronger.
Today I signed papers to allow the doctors to do a tracheotomy and to place a feeding tube in her abdomen. These are things she never wanted. She seems better in so many ways. I don't understand how we can't move forward. Why can't things stay good for awhile? I just want to be able to sit and talk to her without crying. I hate watching her miserable. She is such a stubborn lady. She doesn't want to be in a bed with tubes coming out of her. I hate this.
When is it enough? When will this hurt be over? Where is the line between help and torture?
I am having a hard night. Are things getting better and I am not realizing? I feel very alone tonight. Prayers are needed. Good thoughts are needed. Let's hope for this tunnel to end soon. Let's hope there is a light at the end of it. Thank all of you for all the prayers you have been sending. I am not sure we would have made it this far.
I will try to update when there is news.
Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Worst Week EVER!!!
This has been the worst week of my life up to date.
Last week when my mom was admitted into the ICU, things were crazy. We were left in the dark about sooooo many things. Once the doctors started explaining everything that was wrong with her I kinda wished they still hadn't said anything. We found out that she had severe pneumonia, a high fever, and that her lungs weren't working like they should. Everyday just brought on more bad news. More swelling. Higher fever. No surgery could be done until they figured out where the blood that she was throwing up was coming from. They couldn't do the scope to see where the blood was coming from until her fever went down.
As the days were going on and the more tired we got, things just seemed more and more hopeless. Each day they were having to up her morphine and her sedation. They kept having to increasing her ventilator. We were just devastated. My mom didn't want any of this. She didn't deserve any of this. She may have been a lot of things and had her issues to work out, but this suffering was uncalled for. By Friday we had a few nurses and doctors tell us that my mom would not be leaving the hospital. That she was not going to be able to get better. We were breaking down. The only thing they had been able to do was the scope and found an ulcer in her esophagus. No active bleed. That was good. That was the only good thing that had happened.
By the weekend we were done. What kind of monsters were we for letting her suffer? She wasn't going to get better. We couldn't do this to her anymore. I couldn't watch her be miserable any longer. My grandma and I had to finally talk about what to do. We agreed the only humane thing to do was to let her go. We decided to get a meeting with the doctor to decide when we should start moving forward with her last wishes. I was heartbroken.
Yesterday we had that meeting. The general doctors meet with us and told us there was only one hope. Surgery. Unless she had the tumor removed, her lungs would not be able to get better. The surgeons had told us before that as long as she was so sick that there would be no surgery. They also said that they were going to try to talk the surgeons into the surgery one more time. If the surgeons said no, we would start making my mom comfortable and taking her off the ventilator. Our hopes were not high. They told us to come in the next morning for an answer and then we would know what direction we were heading in. This morning was that morning.
When I got to the hospital, I was preparing to say goodbye to my mother. We waited for the doctor. After a while the called me in. I was so nervous. Was I ready to do this? Is anyone? As we sat and listened to how serious things were and how she was so sick. But then I heard something else. "She is a fighter, I can't just give up on her." What was he saying? Then I realized. They were going to do the surgery!! I couldn't believe it. After we had given up all hope, there was the silver lining.
So, they are doing the surgery.
They are doing it sometime within a week.
They are hopeful that with the surgery, her other problems will resolve themselves.
I want to thank everyone who has been praying with us or just sending your good vibes. Things are looking hopeful and I am so glad that I just might get to have my mom around a little longer! They road is still very long and we will need all your good mojo in the weeks to come, but thank you! Lots of love to pass around tonight :)
Thanks for reading.
Last week when my mom was admitted into the ICU, things were crazy. We were left in the dark about sooooo many things. Once the doctors started explaining everything that was wrong with her I kinda wished they still hadn't said anything. We found out that she had severe pneumonia, a high fever, and that her lungs weren't working like they should. Everyday just brought on more bad news. More swelling. Higher fever. No surgery could be done until they figured out where the blood that she was throwing up was coming from. They couldn't do the scope to see where the blood was coming from until her fever went down.
As the days were going on and the more tired we got, things just seemed more and more hopeless. Each day they were having to up her morphine and her sedation. They kept having to increasing her ventilator. We were just devastated. My mom didn't want any of this. She didn't deserve any of this. She may have been a lot of things and had her issues to work out, but this suffering was uncalled for. By Friday we had a few nurses and doctors tell us that my mom would not be leaving the hospital. That she was not going to be able to get better. We were breaking down. The only thing they had been able to do was the scope and found an ulcer in her esophagus. No active bleed. That was good. That was the only good thing that had happened.
By the weekend we were done. What kind of monsters were we for letting her suffer? She wasn't going to get better. We couldn't do this to her anymore. I couldn't watch her be miserable any longer. My grandma and I had to finally talk about what to do. We agreed the only humane thing to do was to let her go. We decided to get a meeting with the doctor to decide when we should start moving forward with her last wishes. I was heartbroken.
Yesterday we had that meeting. The general doctors meet with us and told us there was only one hope. Surgery. Unless she had the tumor removed, her lungs would not be able to get better. The surgeons had told us before that as long as she was so sick that there would be no surgery. They also said that they were going to try to talk the surgeons into the surgery one more time. If the surgeons said no, we would start making my mom comfortable and taking her off the ventilator. Our hopes were not high. They told us to come in the next morning for an answer and then we would know what direction we were heading in. This morning was that morning.
When I got to the hospital, I was preparing to say goodbye to my mother. We waited for the doctor. After a while the called me in. I was so nervous. Was I ready to do this? Is anyone? As we sat and listened to how serious things were and how she was so sick. But then I heard something else. "She is a fighter, I can't just give up on her." What was he saying? Then I realized. They were going to do the surgery!! I couldn't believe it. After we had given up all hope, there was the silver lining.
So, they are doing the surgery.
They are doing it sometime within a week.
They are hopeful that with the surgery, her other problems will resolve themselves.
I want to thank everyone who has been praying with us or just sending your good vibes. Things are looking hopeful and I am so glad that I just might get to have my mom around a little longer! They road is still very long and we will need all your good mojo in the weeks to come, but thank you! Lots of love to pass around tonight :)
Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
In an Instant....
I bet everyone who reads this blog is wondering about the surgery.
No surgery yet. Since my mom was admitted into the hospital last week, she has not been discharged. She was doing ok but her legs were still swollen and they wanted to keep her pain managed. Saturday I went to go spend a little time with her and she was doing good. She was talking and walking around. We were getting pretty excited that the day was coming soon! Sunday Rudy and I went again to visit for awhile and she was still doing alright. She talked with us but mentioned that she had threw up a little blood. She had thrown up blood before and I told her to make sure she let the nurse know what was going on. I also told her that I would make sure that my little brother came to see her the next day(Monday). I went home happy that things were going well and that we were one day closer to The Day.
The next day I went to work and after I got off I picked up my brother and headed over to see my mom. We joked in the car and were pretty sure we were just going to say Hi and leave. Not the case at all.
When we walked into her room she had IVs hooked up and was getting oxygen cause her stats were a little low. My grandma pulled us to the side and told us that she had been vomiting more blood, a lot more. Also that her heart rate was super high, 150s, and she had now developed a fever. So the Dr.s decided that they needed to stick a scope in her throat to find where she was bleeding. They finally got her fever down enough to do the procedure, so they whisked her off. We waited. And waited. Finally a nurse came in. She told us that we needed to get all of my mothers things together because she was not coming back to that room. She told us there was a complication and that after she left the recovery room that she would be going to ICU. My grandma and I went home and changed and ate, then we went straight back.
When they finally let us see her it was a HUGE shock. She had been intubated, there was a tube in her nose going to her stomach, she was completely sedated. I never imagined seeing her like that. I was horrified. Then the nurse came in and filled us in on everything.
They couldn't do the procedure.
She had stopped breathing.
Her fever was to high.
No surgery.
Today has been better. she had lots of love around her today. She finally got her fever down enough to get the procedure done which showed no active bleed!! So if she can stay stable for a few days they will be able to do the surgery!! We have waited this long, a few more days shouldn't be that bad, right?
Prayers, Prayers,Prayers. Good thoughts. Good vibes. However it is that you feel works. Please keep my mom in your thoughts. We need everything we can get.
Thanks for reading.
No surgery yet. Since my mom was admitted into the hospital last week, she has not been discharged. She was doing ok but her legs were still swollen and they wanted to keep her pain managed. Saturday I went to go spend a little time with her and she was doing good. She was talking and walking around. We were getting pretty excited that the day was coming soon! Sunday Rudy and I went again to visit for awhile and she was still doing alright. She talked with us but mentioned that she had threw up a little blood. She had thrown up blood before and I told her to make sure she let the nurse know what was going on. I also told her that I would make sure that my little brother came to see her the next day(Monday). I went home happy that things were going well and that we were one day closer to The Day.
The next day I went to work and after I got off I picked up my brother and headed over to see my mom. We joked in the car and were pretty sure we were just going to say Hi and leave. Not the case at all.
When we walked into her room she had IVs hooked up and was getting oxygen cause her stats were a little low. My grandma pulled us to the side and told us that she had been vomiting more blood, a lot more. Also that her heart rate was super high, 150s, and she had now developed a fever. So the Dr.s decided that they needed to stick a scope in her throat to find where she was bleeding. They finally got her fever down enough to do the procedure, so they whisked her off. We waited. And waited. Finally a nurse came in. She told us that we needed to get all of my mothers things together because she was not coming back to that room. She told us there was a complication and that after she left the recovery room that she would be going to ICU. My grandma and I went home and changed and ate, then we went straight back.
When they finally let us see her it was a HUGE shock. She had been intubated, there was a tube in her nose going to her stomach, she was completely sedated. I never imagined seeing her like that. I was horrified. Then the nurse came in and filled us in on everything.
They couldn't do the procedure.
She had stopped breathing.
Her fever was to high.
No surgery.
Today has been better. she had lots of love around her today. She finally got her fever down enough to get the procedure done which showed no active bleed!! So if she can stay stable for a few days they will be able to do the surgery!! We have waited this long, a few more days shouldn't be that bad, right?
Prayers, Prayers,Prayers. Good thoughts. Good vibes. However it is that you feel works. Please keep my mom in your thoughts. We need everything we can get.
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I am not good at updating....
It is May 16th. No surgery has been done. The 8th had been moved to the 15th which has now been moved to the 22nd. But, the 22nd is for sure! Yay!
Things have been tough these last few weeks. My mother has been steadily getting worse. She is currently admitted into the hospital because of the unbearable pain and her legs have swelled so badly it is hard for her to walk or move them. It is hard to watch her like this. I didn't think this was something that my brothers and I would have to see so young. The person I feel the deepest sorrow for is my grandmother. She has been by my moms side this whole time. She has done everything for her. I see the pain in her eyes every time I am with her. No parent should have to see their child suffer the way my mother is.
Everyday my mom and I do this thing where before I leave or hang up the phone we say the number of days left till her surgery. Six days. It is getting harder to say each day. Knowing it is so close but it may not be close enough. One thought that keeps crossing my mind is, what if after her surgery it is still to late. This is an all to real possibility. I am trying to take it one day at a time but it is hard for me to do. I am a planner. I am a doer. But there is nothing I can plan. There is nothing I can do. I feel so lost some days. If it was not for my wonderful husband and beautiful children, I am not sure the state I would be in.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I will try to be better with the updates.
Six Days.
Six Days
Six Days.
Things have been tough these last few weeks. My mother has been steadily getting worse. She is currently admitted into the hospital because of the unbearable pain and her legs have swelled so badly it is hard for her to walk or move them. It is hard to watch her like this. I didn't think this was something that my brothers and I would have to see so young. The person I feel the deepest sorrow for is my grandmother. She has been by my moms side this whole time. She has done everything for her. I see the pain in her eyes every time I am with her. No parent should have to see their child suffer the way my mother is.
Everyday my mom and I do this thing where before I leave or hang up the phone we say the number of days left till her surgery. Six days. It is getting harder to say each day. Knowing it is so close but it may not be close enough. One thought that keeps crossing my mind is, what if after her surgery it is still to late. This is an all to real possibility. I am trying to take it one day at a time but it is hard for me to do. I am a planner. I am a doer. But there is nothing I can plan. There is nothing I can do. I feel so lost some days. If it was not for my wonderful husband and beautiful children, I am not sure the state I would be in.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I will try to be better with the updates.
Six Days.
Six Days
Six Days.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
So this is what's going on.......
I haven't written in a while but it has been weighing on my heart to get some things out. Not to many people have been "in the loop" about what is going on in my life or the toll that it has been taking on me. I am trying to free up some space in my mind and share my experiences in hopes to get feedback on how to deal.
My mom and I have not had the closest relationship throughout my childhood or early young adulthood. I have had so many resentments toward her for things she had done to me and the things she wouldn't do for me. After i became a mother those resentments came to surface with full force. I was angry with her every time we talked. Every time I was around her I just felt my stomach in knots. This went on for years with more and more building on.
A little over two years ago my mom was told that she had a cancerous tumor in her uterus. I found myself so mad because I didn't care more. Upset that I wasn't worried. Almost relieved that maybe this roller coaster of a relationship that we had might just be close to over. I HATED myself for feeling this way. Yes, she was a really crappy mom, but she was an awesome grandmother. Would it be ok if they never got to know her? What if they never remembered her? No, this couldn't happen. So we started our journey to doctor appointments and hassling the insurance company. Finally after fighting and fighting we got a Hysterectomy scheduled. Two weeks after her surgery(in which they left her ovaries because they "looked fine") her insurance ran out and no real follow up care was done. Our relationship had been renewed. I had let everything go. It felt great. So, for the last two years we have been building our relationship and I had been working on loving her unconditionally.
A few months ago we had been noticing that my mother was gaining weight, just in her midsection. We chalked it up to too many sweets and made jokes. No big deal. Then she started not feeling well, all the time. She couldn't go to the bathroom and her abdomen was swollen and hard. We started looking into things for constipation. With no insurance, our options were limited. After a few weeks of home remedies we decided something else needed to be done. She signed up for a constipation trial where she would get a free physical and they would try to help her. Win-win situation. So, on March 22, 2012 my mom went to her first constipation trial appointment. Four and a half hours after her appointment time she called and asked me to go to her house so she could talk to me. of course i was there right away and she handed me a page that the doctor had given her about tumors. then she proceeded to tell me that she could no longer do the trial and that the doctor had told her to go straight to the hospital.
My mother, being the way she is, decided she wanted to wait until Monday. I convinced her otherwise. Saturday March 24, 2012 she went to the closest, fully equip hospital. After being there all day she finally called me. "Nikki, I need you and your brother to be at my house when I get there. There is something I need to talk to you guys about.". When she got home I could tell that she and my grandmother had been crying. She handed me a DVD and a booklet of papers. The very first page at the very top read, "Ovarian Cancer". I popped in the DVD and went through the images of the x-rays and ct scans she had done. the tumor was so huge. 27.6cm X 16.7cm X 22.4cm. The doctor told her she had to go to another hospital twenty minutes away that was better to handle her needs. The doctor told her "If I were you, I would go spend the night at home tonight. Be with your loved ones as long as you can."
The next day was a blur. They admitted her to the county hospital, told us it would be days before she could leave. She had IVs, monitors, and blood transfusions. They also informed us that she indeed had a cancerous tumor that had started on her right ovary. It was now so large that it was crushing every other organ in her abdomen. They couldn't do any surgery until her body was strong enough. They couldn't do the surgery because she was a cancer patient and only the GYN Oncologist could do her surgery to remove the tumor. This is a County Hospital and the GYN Oncologist is only there doing surgeries once a week.
They discharged her a week later, with a basket full of meds. Since that day there has been frequent visits to the emergency room, weeks of vomiting blood, sleepiness, and plenty of pain. it hurts to see her deteriorate before my eyes. She has a scheduled surgery for May 8,2012. The doctors don't seem very promising. I have never seen someone get as many hugs and "I'm sorry"s from doctors as my mother receives. I am trying so hard to be the strong one. to be the one that holds it together. But there are days where I feel as though I am breaking at the seams. I know that no one is ready to lose a parent, but it feels as though we have only had a few years together, times that were actually good. I am not ready to lose her.
I am going to try to keep those who are interested involved in they process of how things are going. Forgive me if I seem a little flighty or just generally not in a good mood. I am trying to keep my head up and be as positive as I can be. If anyone has any questions, please call or write me a message. Also, anyone that has any tips or advise, whether it is from personal experience or otherwise, please don't hesitate to lay it on me. I can use whatever you have for me.
Thank you for reading.
My mom and I have not had the closest relationship throughout my childhood or early young adulthood. I have had so many resentments toward her for things she had done to me and the things she wouldn't do for me. After i became a mother those resentments came to surface with full force. I was angry with her every time we talked. Every time I was around her I just felt my stomach in knots. This went on for years with more and more building on.
A little over two years ago my mom was told that she had a cancerous tumor in her uterus. I found myself so mad because I didn't care more. Upset that I wasn't worried. Almost relieved that maybe this roller coaster of a relationship that we had might just be close to over. I HATED myself for feeling this way. Yes, she was a really crappy mom, but she was an awesome grandmother. Would it be ok if they never got to know her? What if they never remembered her? No, this couldn't happen. So we started our journey to doctor appointments and hassling the insurance company. Finally after fighting and fighting we got a Hysterectomy scheduled. Two weeks after her surgery(in which they left her ovaries because they "looked fine") her insurance ran out and no real follow up care was done. Our relationship had been renewed. I had let everything go. It felt great. So, for the last two years we have been building our relationship and I had been working on loving her unconditionally.
A few months ago we had been noticing that my mother was gaining weight, just in her midsection. We chalked it up to too many sweets and made jokes. No big deal. Then she started not feeling well, all the time. She couldn't go to the bathroom and her abdomen was swollen and hard. We started looking into things for constipation. With no insurance, our options were limited. After a few weeks of home remedies we decided something else needed to be done. She signed up for a constipation trial where she would get a free physical and they would try to help her. Win-win situation. So, on March 22, 2012 my mom went to her first constipation trial appointment. Four and a half hours after her appointment time she called and asked me to go to her house so she could talk to me. of course i was there right away and she handed me a page that the doctor had given her about tumors. then she proceeded to tell me that she could no longer do the trial and that the doctor had told her to go straight to the hospital.
My mother, being the way she is, decided she wanted to wait until Monday. I convinced her otherwise. Saturday March 24, 2012 she went to the closest, fully equip hospital. After being there all day she finally called me. "Nikki, I need you and your brother to be at my house when I get there. There is something I need to talk to you guys about.". When she got home I could tell that she and my grandmother had been crying. She handed me a DVD and a booklet of papers. The very first page at the very top read, "Ovarian Cancer". I popped in the DVD and went through the images of the x-rays and ct scans she had done. the tumor was so huge. 27.6cm X 16.7cm X 22.4cm. The doctor told her she had to go to another hospital twenty minutes away that was better to handle her needs. The doctor told her "If I were you, I would go spend the night at home tonight. Be with your loved ones as long as you can."
The next day was a blur. They admitted her to the county hospital, told us it would be days before she could leave. She had IVs, monitors, and blood transfusions. They also informed us that she indeed had a cancerous tumor that had started on her right ovary. It was now so large that it was crushing every other organ in her abdomen. They couldn't do any surgery until her body was strong enough. They couldn't do the surgery because she was a cancer patient and only the GYN Oncologist could do her surgery to remove the tumor. This is a County Hospital and the GYN Oncologist is only there doing surgeries once a week.
They discharged her a week later, with a basket full of meds. Since that day there has been frequent visits to the emergency room, weeks of vomiting blood, sleepiness, and plenty of pain. it hurts to see her deteriorate before my eyes. She has a scheduled surgery for May 8,2012. The doctors don't seem very promising. I have never seen someone get as many hugs and "I'm sorry"s from doctors as my mother receives. I am trying so hard to be the strong one. to be the one that holds it together. But there are days where I feel as though I am breaking at the seams. I know that no one is ready to lose a parent, but it feels as though we have only had a few years together, times that were actually good. I am not ready to lose her.
I am going to try to keep those who are interested involved in they process of how things are going. Forgive me if I seem a little flighty or just generally not in a good mood. I am trying to keep my head up and be as positive as I can be. If anyone has any questions, please call or write me a message. Also, anyone that has any tips or advise, whether it is from personal experience or otherwise, please don't hesitate to lay it on me. I can use whatever you have for me.
Thank you for reading.
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